Mama Ex Machina
by Nate Grey
Summary: NERV arranges a sit-down between the EVA pilots and elementary kids. It's all good until someone drops an N2 mine: "How do your parents feel about you being EVA pilots?" No one knew it was a trick question.


Notes: In my eyes, there is only one thing stranger than a mother's soul being used as EVA fuel. And that is over twenty souls of over twenty mothers in cold storage, just in case their kids become pilots, NERV employing all those widowed fathers... and no one connecting any dots or saying squat about it. Anyway. This is set in the manga, at a point just after Volume 5, where three things worthy of note have happened: Sahaquiel has been defeated, Shinji has had tea at Rei's, and Kaji's prompting has reawakened Shinji's memory of Yui's death. So Shinji is both a bit more informed, and a bit closer to Rei, than he would be in the anime at the same point.

* * *

**Mama Ex Machina**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfic by**

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**

* * *

It had been a bad idea from the conception, as far as Shinji was concerned. But considering it originated from the same brilliant minds that came up with the idea of fighting one breed of giant, barely understood monsters with another, he wasn't all that surprised.

The fact was, even though NERV was clearly the only real defense humanity had against the Angels, they were subject to, and regularly suffered from, bad public relations. Again, this was not at all surprising, given what Shinji knew of NERV's Commander. Frankly, he would have been more shocked to learn that his father knew anything at all about diplomacy.

Because it didn't matter how many times you saved the world, if you always looked bad while doing it. And it was pretty damned hard to look good while piloting a giant monster that wrecked virtually everything it touched, including Angels, streets, buildings, nearly all forms of organic life, and in certain cases, even the air itself. Sometimes, Shinji wondered if the real reason only kids were roped into piloting Evangelions was for the sympathy factor. Talking trash about a trained soldier was one thing, picking on a largely untrained kid doing their best to save the world was quite another. But even if the blame was never directly assigned to the pilots, NERV had plenty of people that did nothing but deflect bad PR, and their best to remind everyone of just who was constantly saving their butts, thus giving them the freedom to continue living and complaining about it.

It was one of these frustrated, thankless people who had the brilliant idea of the EVA pilots visiting local schools, posing for the press, and making nice with kids.

This presented several challenges.

First, there were only so many local schools left. The few that hadn't been destroyed in combat with the Angels, or shut down due to their dwindling budgets being diverted elsewhere, were just barely able to keep their doors open at all. It was no coincidence that the few schools left had one thing in common: the bulk of their student population was made up of the children of NERV employees. This, strangely, made the visits even harder to arrange. Either the parents were against the idea (having met the pilots, or having a very good idea what they were like in person), or the students were a little too excited about the idea (EVA pilots were exclusive to a single school, so the chances of meeting them anywhere else was pretty low).

Second, the press and NERV were natural enemies. Again, it was nearly impossible to make giant monsters look good, so the press generally didn't bother. And as NERV's Commander was such an imposing man, he was easy to villify (like adding steam to hot tea). Plus, NERV thrived on controlling information. That was also the press's job, and they were resentful as to how much better NERV was at it. About the only way a press-covered event involving NERV could go well was if Section Two physically covered each press agent there with a handgun. Which was tricky but not quite impossible to do in a room full of kids.

Third, the EVA pilots could barely make nice with their co-workers consistently. Expecting them to do it for a bunch of overexcited kids hurling personal questions at them was simply a horrible idea from any angle.

But, it was either that, or allow NERV's reputation to grow increasingly negative. Which was fine, up to a point. But the fact was, NERV's Commander was no diplomat. He was a born manipulator, and sometimes the best way to manipulate was to appear diplomatic. And he recognized that in some cases, NERV lacked certain resources, and the only way to get them was to play nice, if only temporarily. And so long as he didn't have to attend the event himself, he didn't much care who else from NERV did.

* * *

Shinji was the only EVA pilot who displayed any preference as to which school they visited. No one questioned his choice, since it was on the approved list. Asuka was the only person who had any real chance of knowing Shinji's reasoning... but that would have required her to pay close attention to him consistently, which she didn't. It was further proof of her inability to appreciate both the subtle and the obvious where Shinji was concerned.

Even once the EVA pilots arrived at the school, and Asuka noticed her best friend Hikari's little sister in the crowd, as well as the way Nozomi was waving wildly, she just assumed the girl was happy to see her again, and gave her a small smile in return.

It never occurred to Asuka that Nozomi had been smitten with Shinji since she'd first seen him, or that Shinji greatly appreciated Hikari's efforts to treat him normally, and the simple fact that Nozomi so greatly resembled her sister inspired a certain serenity in him that he had never been able to explain properly. Knowing Nozomi would not stop waving until he gave some sort of response, he waved slightly in her direction, earning a wide smile for his effort.

Having never met or even seen Nozomi before, Rei briefly made a mental note of her physical similarities to their class representative, compared this against what she recalled of the Horaki family's file, and correctly assumed that this must be one of Hikari's two sisters. However, given her age, she was of no real importance currently, so Rei largely disregarded her.

The EVA pilots were accompanied, of course, by their commanding officer, Misato Katsuragi, and more Section Two agents than most people were used to seeing at any one time. Part of this was to ensure the protection of the pilots, but also because in a surprise move, Vice Commander Fuyutsuki had decided to come along at the last minute. He had insisted on riding in the same transport with Misato and the pilots, which had made a rather large van necessary, considering they still had to allow room for a few Section Two agents.

Misato had spoken with the man a number of times, and much preferred him to the Commander, but knew for a fact that the only pilot he had regular contact with was Rei. And that was mostly a consequence of each of them shadowing the Commander so very often. So it was very strange, to watch Fuyutsuki engaging the pilots in conversation about their lives outside of NERV. Particularly Shinji, who he seemed quite interested in. There was no doubt in Misato's mind that Fuyutsuki had seen all of her reports on Shinji, and she strongly suspected that he was the only Commander that read them. So it was clear to her, at least, that the only reason he might want to hear all of the same information again was to obtain Shinji's personal perspective.

Which meant that he was interested in Shinji the Person, not Shinji the Pilot, at least for the time being. The same could not even be said for Shinji's father. Misato wasn't sure what disgusted her more: that Fuyutsuki was perhaps the only adult other than herself to display a genuine concern for Shinji's well-being, or how quickly Shinji warmed up to the man because of it, desperate for attention and positive reinforcement as he still was. No child should have been that deprived, especially when it was his job to be a savior of mankind.

* * *

Most of the questions were directed at Asuka. This was expected: she was the only pilot that naturally drew attention to herself, and enjoyed that fact. She was also the most talkative, which the kids quickly picked up on. For the most part, her questions were about her life. Whenever anyone mentioned her family, however, Asuka would only say that both of her parents were scholars. It was the first time that Shinji saw Asuka use any of the techniques that Fuyutsuki had recommended for evading tough questions, or sharing classified answers.

Rei only got three questions: one about her hair, one about her eyes, and one asking if she had a boyfriend. To all three, Rei informed the speakers that they lacked the proper clearance to be told such things. Which was true, but not exactly what she'd been coached to say. Still, considering it was Rei, no one who had known her for more than five minutes was surprised.

Shinji got all of the hard questions. Questions about NERV, the EVAs, and the Angels, all went to him. He'd gotten the most coaching, in part because he was lousy at keeping secrets, and of the three pilots, he looked the most approachable. Also, it was no secret that he was related to the Commander, so people just expected him to have more information than the other pilots. And perhaps because Shinji had been warned what to expect, he was the best person to get those questions. So he deflected when necessary, or gave the minimum amount of information needed to answer, and moved on, as he'd been taught.

The stumper came completely out of left field.

The interview was winding down, and there was time left for maybe three more questions. An unassuming little girl stood up and asked an innocent question. She was completely serious, not at all malicious, and she couldn't possibly have known the trouble she would cause. Thankfully, her question was not posed to any one pilot in particular. That would have made things even worse.

"How do your parents feel about you being EVA pilots?"

In the tense silence that followed, the blood drained from Shinji's face, Asuka gripped the armrests of her chair nearly hard enough to crush them into powder, and Rei... did not look any different, but it was clear, even to her, that her pre-programmed response would be largely unacceptable. This was because no person selected as an EVA pilot had (nor ever would have) a matched set of living parents. What they most likely would have was either a single surviving parent, or more commonly in Rei's mind, a legal guardian. And that was, to her surprise, the first time she had ever noticed that common bond between them. She suspected it was much the same for the other two, and this pattern was clearly not a reassuring trend.

Shinji finally answered the question. His answer was recorded, of course.

"It is our job to put our lives on the line each time an Angel appears. None of us are even twenty years old yet. I can't remember what it was like, but I know none of us would be doing this if we still had both of our parents."

This drove the press into a frenzy.

It didn't last: all forms of recorded media were promptly confiscated by Section Two, edited, and then returned without so much as an apology. Fortunately, you didn't often have to apologize when you both had giant monsters on leashes, and were solely responsible for humanity's survival. And even when you did, you didn't actually have to be sincere about it.

* * *

The ride back to NERV was uncomfortable, to say the least. The pilots were silent. Misato wanted to say something, but was afraid of making things worse. Fuyutsuki stared straight ahead, deep in thought.

"Shinji-kun," Misato finally murmured. "What you said back there... is that how you really feel?"

Shinji wasn't sure how to answer that. Did he want to believe that his mother would never allow him to pilot Unit 01, had she lived? Of course. Did he actually believe that? It was hard to say. She was a big part of the reason why the EVA worked at all currently, so whether she was a more devoted mother or scientist was open to debate. And while he had precious few memories of her, most of them at least implied that she had been a good mother. But Shinji was equally sure that he hadn't known her, not really. Not well enough to know whether she, too, would have sacrificed him in the name of some impossible dream.

"Shinji-kun? Did you hear me?"

He blinked and looked at Misato, then at Fuyutsuki, who was also waiting on his reply. "Am I going to be punished?"

"I don't think that will be necessary," Fuyutsuki answered before Misato could. "You more or less did exactly what I expected you to. And as for your last answer, well... you were right, son. You wouldn't be piloting, if she were here. She would have insisted on doing it herself, before she let her child attempt it. That's the kind of woman she was."

Shinji slowly nodded. "I see. Thank you, sir."

Asuka snorted loudly. "Well, I could have come up with a better answer off the top of my head, if I wanted! So don't go thinking you're such hot stuff, Third!"

Shinji, for once, decided not to go for her bait. "What a team we are. Nothing but legal guardians, and not a single authentic parent among us."

It was a sign of just how bad a father Gendo Ikari was that no one in the car disagreed with Shinji. Verbally, at least.

But in the seat beside Shinji, Rei frowned slightly, though she ultimately remained silent. For the moment.

* * *

"It is our job to put our lives on the line each time an Angel appears. None of us are even twenty years old yet. Our parents are proud of us, of course."

This was what the official record showed, and it was also the version that ended up on Gendo Ikari's desk. He was not amused, and he did not suddenly think that his son had become a company man. Rather, he simply assumed that once again, Shinji was only doing what he had been told by an authority figure. Shinji could not seem to do anything else, after all.

* * *

Toru Suzuhara had just finished his drink when a bony elbow dug into his ribs.

"Grab him. He's doing it again."

"Yeah, Pops," Toru sighed, getting to his feet. He made his way across the cafeteria, until he reached his target: the skinny man holding up the line. "Oi, Horaki. Other people need to eat, too."

Horaki blinked and slowly turned, gazing at him with little to no recognition.

Frowning, Toru slung a burly arm around Horaki's neck and practically dragged him back to the table. This was made easier by the fact that muscles came easily in the Suzuhara family. Not so much with Horaki's kin, and that was only one of their current problems.

The elder Suzuhara shook his head as Toru sat Horaki down. Toru could understand that: his father had always been a hard man, and it had served them well, though kept their friends limited. And really, Horaki wasn't a friend, so much as he was a sympathetic comrade in similar pain. He was just lousy at concealing his pain occasionally, and it was going to get him in deep trouble one day.

"Did you eat anything, Horaki?" Toru asked, nudging him hard when there was no response.

Horaki swallowed hard and sighed. "Yes. Every morning, I eat... I eat..." His eyes misted over with tears, and he removed his glasses so he could rub hard at his face. "I eat breakfast every day, because she makes it for me. My Hikari makes-" He trailed off, the color draining from his face.

Toru shook his head. If he didn't know any better, he'd swear Horaki was talking about his wife. And that was also part of the problem. The sad part was, if Horaki actually did see his daughter as his wife, disturbing as it would be, it would probably solve a great deal of his problems.

"You've got to stop this," the old man said as he leaned forward. "She's gone, so let her go. It's not natural to cling to the dead like you do."

It was a sign of how detached Horaki was at the moment that he didn't leap across the table and try to strangle the old man.

"Pops, you know it's not that simple for everybody," Toru said.

"It was for you. Stop making excuses for him. NERV has no use for a weakling like him."

Horaki laughed bitterly. "Oh, NERV has a use for everyone, Suzuhara-san. Women. Children. Elderly. And especially monsters. I don't know who is more fortunate: the ones they harvest right away, or the ones they cultivate first."

Toru grabbed Horaki's shoulder roughly. "That's enough, man. The last thing your girls need is to lose another parent. Keep your mouth shut and at least act like your world isn't crumbling around you." In a lower tone, he added, "They took our wives for use in their war. You think they wouldn't put a bullet in your brain to keep you quiet?"

That seemed to shut Horaki up, for the moment.

The old man stood up, giving them a flat stare. "You should try to be more like Aida, the both of you. Good head on his shoulders. Never complains." He turned and walked away.

Toru smirked. Aida's "good head" had gotten him a steady position at NERV. It helped that he didn't mind the sight of blood at all. But if the rumors were true, he and his wife had been having problems when she died. In all likelihood, there had been an ugly divorce in their immediate future. NERV had probably done him a favor. He certainly didn't seem to mind her being gone, and neither did his boy. Toru wasn't sure how natural that reaction was, but Toji swore that Kensuke was good people, so Toru hadn't interfered in their friendship. And Sakura thought he was nice, always bringing her toys when he visited her in the hospital. Even if most of them were more suited for a little boy who loved building models of military vehicles.

"Will you promise me something?" Horaki asked suddenly.

Toru nodded. "Don't worry. I won't tell Hikari that you had a rough day."

"Not that. Promise me you won't let your kids get married before all of this is done. They shouldn't have to experience the pain that you and I did."

Toru opened his mouth to tell Horaki that he should mind his own business. But, looking into Horaki's eyes, he definitely didn't ever want to see that same look in his own children's eyes, if he could help it. "Sure, I promise. But listen, Horaki. Do whatever you need to do to get your head on straight, before you go home. Your girls can't see you like this."

"How do you do it?"

Toru frowned thoughtfully. "I just remember the last thing she told me. 'Take my strength, add it your own, and use it to keep going.' She was full of little gems like that."

Horaki smiled weakly. "That's really nice. Can I use it? For my girls?"

"Yeah, knock yourself out. She'd love to know it's still getting some use." Toru didn't feel right denying Horaki permission. After all, his wife had never said any such thing. Her last words to him had been, "Tell Toji if I catch him picking fights again, he won't be able to sit down for a month." Somehow, the lie just sounded better. But Toru had to admit he'd still gotten plenty of use out of the truth, as well.

* * *

"I do not understand your answer."

Shinji paused in the middle of making dinner and glanced over his shoulder, a little surprised to find red eyes gazing back at him. While Rei had been in the apartment before, it was a rare event, and even rarer that she visited without either being ordered to, or Misato picking her up first. But if he were honest with himself, Shinji knew, instinctively, that Rei had been following him alone since they'd returned to NERV. It was difficult to tell, since he'd been in a group the entire time, but other than Misato, there was no one in that group that Rei would normally follow, and certainly no one she was as interested in.

And Shinji had known she would be unable to let his remark about them not having a single authentic parent slide. But as that had been hours ago, it took him a moment to realize what she was referring to.

"You don't agree with my answer," Shinji corrected. "You understood it perfectly."

Rei frowned at his back. "You have a father. You have a parent."

"I don't have an authentic parent. That's what I said earlier. Do you understand the difference?"

"I understand that in your opinion, there is a difference."

Shinji laughed. "If you were anyone else, I'd swear you were making a joke."

"I do not find this situation at all humorous."

"That makes two of us." Shinji turned to face her. "You're upset that I don't consider my father my parent. Do you know why you're upset?"

"You should not disregard your family."

Shinji shook his head. "There are two reasons why that statement is not a valid argument. The first is because my father has disregarded me for years, and continues to do so. The second is because he's spent many of those years being more of a father to you than he ever was to me."

Rei's eyes widened slightly. "Then you are... jealous?"

"I was, at first," Shinji admitted. "But I've had time to think about it. I know my father cares about you. But I also know that his heart is closed, and probably broken beyond repair. So however good or bad a father he was to you, you deserved better from him. We both did. And maybe if my mother hadn't died, we would have gotten better from him. But it's impossible to know now, and I can't be jealous of anyone who had my father's attention for so long. Based on what I know of him now, I pity anyone who had to be in his presence as long as you have. I even feel like I should thank you. As bad as being ignored by him was, having his full attention feels far worse, for me."

"You will not change your mind on this," Rei guessed.

"No. I've tried, but each time I do, my father does something to make me glad that we've been separated for years. In fact, there is only one thing he's done that I'm willing to thank him for."

"What is that?"

Shinji smiled and slowly reached out to take her hand. "Because of him, I met you."

Rei stared at him, then at their joined hands. "I... would also like to thank him for that as well. Though I do not think he would appreciate it."

"I have an idea. It's important to me that you understand what I feel a family should be like, compared to how my father treats you. From now on, will you let me treat you as a member of my family? As my sister, maybe?"

Rei silently considered this for several seconds. "That is agreeable," she replied. "I would like to understand your definition of family."

Shinji smiled. "Great. Well, technically I did this when we first met, but you weren't really in any condition to appreciate it, and it was an awful situation besides that. This is how I would greet a sister that I hadn't seen in nearly a decade."

Before Rei could ask what he meant, Shinji stepped closer and slid his arms around her waist, drawing her into a tight hug.

Though not a complete stranger to physical affection, Rei was still largely unused to it. It had been many years since the Commander had held her hand with any real frequency, presumably because she had outgrown the need to be guided by hand once she was able to follow his orders. Even stranger, if he had attempted such contact now, Rei had no idea how she would react. Physical distance was a large part of their bond now, and had he changed that abruptly, she suspected it would be either terribly awkward or entirely unwelcome.

But Shinji was clearly not Commander Ikari, and this hug was further proof of that. It did not feel awkward or unwelcome at all, but... warm, and tingly, pleasantly so. Rei was even willing to go so far as to say that no one had ever touched her in this manner before. And in the face of that, she was also willing to state that she now felt she had been deprived of this sensation.

And, she realized with growing horror, so had Shinji.

At once, Rei's hands flew up to return the hug, startling Shinji a little with the force she used. She did not mean to hurt him, but she simply could not stand the idea that Shinji might have to go without this sensation a second longer. He deserved this sensation and then some, and she wanted to return the favor.

"I've missed you, Rei," Shinji murmured in her ear.

Rei's eyes widened in shock, though she quickly realized that Shinji was merely expanding on the idea that she was his sister. Searching her mind for a proper response, she finally settled on one that seemed appropriate. "Welcome back, onii-san." From the way that Shinji's grip on her tightened ever so slightly, this seemed to be an acceptable choice.

* * *

She had been strangely silent from the moment he'd picked her up, and he'd known better than to hope that it would last long.

"What happened?" she asked the moment he parked the car. "And don't say it was nothing."

Horaki lifted his head to find his oldest daughter frowning at him. "Nothing, Kodama. I had a rough day. It's over now."

"Dad, I'm not getting out of this car until you explain."

"I started thinking about your mother. Then I couldn't stop. It'll pass."

Kodama shook her head. "Look, I know you said you didn't need it, but maybe you should see someone."

"We can't afford-"

"I don't mean like a therapist. I mean like a woman."

"You... what?!"

"Dad, it's been long enough. It might be a little weird for Hikari and Nozomi, but I'll talk to them, make them see that you need this."

"Kodama," Horaki said slowly. "You're my firstborn and I love you. But you've been through five boys, that I know about, in the past month. I would take dating advice from Nozomi before I'd take it from you."

"Well, Mom isn't coming back. And if finding someone else isn't the answer, I don't know what is. But whatever you're doing now, isn't working, Dad. I can see it, and pretty soon, they will, too. At this point, I'd hook you up with one of my friends if I thought it would help. Which reminds me, there's this girl in one of my classes that's into older guys, and she-"

"Just... no, Kodama. Please. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is."

She grinned and slapped his shoulder. "Just trying to help out, old man."

"If you really want to help me, reduce the boy toys to one a month, please. Nozomi already thinks you won't be happy unless you're married to three guys at once." He paused, not liking the expression on her face. "Please stop considering that in front of me, my heart can't take it."

"It wouldn't be such a bad deal, Dad. With four sources of income, I could get a really nice place. I'd send money home, of course. Maybe even get Hikari a new car so she can run errands and drive you around. Oh, and all the sex I could-"

Horaki practically dove out of the car, trying to shut out the sound of Kodama's laughter. Not just because it wasn't funny to him. He didn't want her to see the naked pain in his face. She had her mother's laugh.

* * *

Gendo Ikari had expected something to happen over the next few days, but he was completely unprepared for what did.

Rei's apartment was destroyed by a rather large fire.

This was not entirely surprising: the place was a total fire hazard. Rei's habit of failing to throw out her old bandages, used medical supplies, and other trash had surely helped the fire spread quickly. Fortunately, she wasn't home at the time, and there were no other residents nearby to be concerned about.

Predictably, Rei was less concerned about losing the apartment, and more bothered by the disruption to her routine.

All of that was perfectly within the realm of possibility, and nothing that Gendo could not handle quickly and quietly. Rei never dipped into her pilot's salary, understanding that it was more for show than any actual use on her part. So she could easily afford to purchase necessities once she had settled into whatever new lodging was assigned to her.

But that was where Gendo's preparations fell apart. Rei had reported the fire to Section Two, but only after she had secured new, unapproved lodging on her own. Technically, it was only unapproved in the sense that Gendo had not been told beforehand. Also technically, it was not accurate to say that Rei had picked lodging that was unfit for a pilot, since she had selected the apartment directly beneath Major Katsuragi's. And as far as this particular situation went, no one could really make a case that what was good enough for the Second and Third Children, was unfit for the First.

There were two problems that Gendo had with Rei's decision. The first was that she had made a major decision without his permission, and had also failed to notify him directly, where she normally would have done both. The second was that Rei was clearly attempting to improve her relationship with Shinji. Worse, she had actually invited Shinji to move in with her. Far worse, Shinji had gladly accepted, with the flimsy excuse that Asuka needed two bedrooms to properly store all of her belongings. In less than an hour, Shinji was settled into Rei's new apartment, and preparing lunch for them both.

Gendo could have easily separated them, but realized that this was unwise. He was much less concerned about Shinji running away again, now that the Dummy Plug system was nearing completion. But it wasn't Shinji he was worried about, it was Rei. He now had no idea how she would react. Strangely, though Rei could not run away, since she required treatments that only NERV could provide in order to survive, there were a multitude of other ways she could disobey, all of them far more damaging than anything Shinji could accomplish with one of his tantrums. With a simple phone call, Rei could easily destroy everything that Gendo had worked for. She knew far too many of his secrets. Scratch that, she was one of his most damaging ones herself. And she placed so little value on her own life that she wouldn't care if she got burned in the process.

Still, Rei had not threatened him directly. And she didn't need to. Because Gendo knew that even if he replaced the current Rei, and edited the memories of the next one, it would only be a temporary solution. Eventually, either the Yui in her, or the Lilith in her, would grow beyond his control. Furthermore, the replacement process itself had inherent risks that he would rather not deal with unless Rei was mortally wounded in some way.

So for now, it was best to let her be. In truth, despite the risks that Rei bonding with Shinji posed, it was yet another way to keep him in line. Rei was bound, body and soul, to EVA, and the closer Shinji got to her, the more he sealed his fate as the pilot of Unit 01.

* * *

Asuka had thought she would enjoy having more of Misato's apartment to herself. And in the unlikely event that she did desire to see Shinji, he was right beneath her feet. He had even agreed to come back over and cook for them on a regular basis, though it was obvious that he intended to bring his "sister" along as well. Even Pen-Pen was fine with Shinji moving out... although Asuka had noticed a second freezer at Rei's that seemed to serve no purpose.

So it should have been better with Shinji gone.

Only it wasn't.

It wasn't that Asuka wanted Misato around. Far from it. But with all of Misato's working late hours, and Pen-Pen going missing regularly, Asuka often found herself alone. And she didn't like it at all. She couldn't even invite Hikari over, because Hikari would insist that it was rude not to visit Shinji and Rei while she was there.

Which left Asuka plenty of time to focus on herself. The problem being that it was more fun to do that when others were around. And there were no others, unless Askua actually accepted one of the many invitations to go downstairs and visit with Rei and Shinji. Rei, at least, had not changed so much that she gave any implication she wished for Askua to accept the invitations, which was a very small source of relief.

Not enough of one, though.

* * *

Shinji had hoped that, as he was the older sibling, Rei might recognize that he theoretically had some authority over her. Not that he wanted to command her or anything like that. But he did not like the idea of Rei willingly walking to her death if ordered to do so. Likewise, he was very much aware that Rei had access to many of NERV's secrets that he did not. He had thought she might be convinced to share some of them.

Rei had other ideas. While she unquestionably valued Shinji's opinion, she did not allow this to totally sway her if they had differing opinions. She was at least willing to hear his side, however, which lead to a very confusing problem.

"Rei, I'm sorry, but NERV is not your family."

"I disagree," Rei replied. "You insist that members of a family should have loyalty to each other. But this is also true in NERV, to varying extents. I have observed that many employees display loyalty to the Commander, as the head of NERV's family. Many do this even though they are not especially fond of him or his methods. I must conclude that NERV is a family, of which I am also a member. Therefore, I cannot betray its secrets so easily, even to you, Shinji."

Shinji desperately wished that he could use the arguement that blood relations trumped company relations, especially since constant exposure to Rei had made him gradually aware of how much she resembled his mother, in both mannerisms and facial characteristics. But that, too, was likely another NERV secret that Rei would not reveal to him. And he was not even sure that Rei would feel more loyalty to her own family than she would to NERV.

Rei observed his confusion with notable concern. "You are upset by my refusal to share information with you."

"It's not that, exactly," Shinji replied. "It's just that I keep forgetting that you aren't like other people, and I'm having difficulty explaining things that most people just know through experience. I mean, no two people have the exact same lives, but most have experienced enough of the same things where you wouldn't have to explain the differences between loyalty to a family and loyalty to a company. And even if you had a valid reason for prioritizing one over the other, it would usually be because of a negative experience with, or total absence of the lesser. If you never had a family, it's easy to want to belong to a company, and hard to understand why you should want to belong to a family if you got one after the fact. The problem isn't that you don't care at all. It's that you don't care enough."

"You believe I should prioritize loyalty to you above loyalty to NERV?"

"Not necessarily. But at the same time, I would still hope that our newfound bond would mean more to you than it currently seems to." Shinji ran his hands through his hair. "I'm your brother. It should bother you that not knowing certain things bothers me this much. Especially when you're in a position to relieve some of that bother. If you can help your family without great detriment to yourself, it's generally expected that you would, with little or no hesitation."

Rei considered that for a moment. "Very well. If there was only one thing I could tell you about NERV, what would you want to know?"

Shinji barely even had to think about it. "Tell me everything you know about what happened to my mother." Had Shinji thought about it, he might have asked a better question, or at least phrased it more carefully. He already had a pretty detailed idea about his mother's fate, but he had never really gotten anyone else's perspective. And he was curious about how Rei viewed the whole matter.

Shinji really should have specified. Rei had seen the file on Yui, so she knew virtually everything there was to know about Yui, without actually ever having met her in person, so to speak. But Shinji had asked to know everything that Rei knew about what had happened to Yui. Rei took this to mean that he desired to know what had happened to Yui, even after she had been taken into the EVA, and also including what had been done with the DNA samples that had been preserved, as those were also a part of Yui. So Rei told him.

It was immediately clear to Rei that all of the information had not been well-received, based on Shinji's facial expressions. And she finally thought she understood, what it meant to prioritize the bonds of family over that of NERV. Because the immediate urge she felt after seeing his reaction was that she should have protected him from the information, not shared it with him. It was her duty, both as his sister, and as the physical remains of his mother.

"Thank you... for telling me," Shinji said after a lengthy silence.

"You are upset with me," Rei guessed.

"No," Shinji murmured slowly. "I asked you for a secret, and you gave it to me. You had no control over what was done to her. It wouldn't be fair to blame you, and I don't think she would. I hope she wouldn't."

"She believed in EVA, Shinji. I do not know if she knew what could happen to her, but she knew there were risks and was willing to face them, for the sake of mankind's future, and your own."

"What about Asuka's mother? And every other pilot's mo-"

"Shinji," Rei interrupted softly. "While I have a better appreciation for the bonds of family now, as your sister and a fellow pilot, I will say this. There are many things that everyone is better off not knowing. Especially for those who know, and wish they could forget."

**The End.**

* * *

Endnotes:

This is another old story idea that remained half-developed for years, until I dusted it off and slapped an ending scene onto it.

This touches on one of the oddest parts of the series to me (and there are plenty): that all of Shinji's class is potential EVA pilots. That is very strange, because it also means they all are both related to NERV employees, and have a deceased mother whose soul NERV has "on file" so an EVA core can be configured for them. This is especially strange when you consider how large Shinji's class was to start with. While I do think it is more like NERV to keep such info top secret, it's also hard for me to imagine that none of the women knew what would happen to them. We're talking about more than twenty deaths NERV would have had to arrange, some of which I suspect had to be NERV employees as well, and possibly as intelligent as Yui. And while there are uninformed people at NERV, I don't think any of them are stupid. Surely at least one woman other than Ritsuko had to know, or possibly even volunteered in the hopes of being able to protect her child in the future. Maybe they all did, for all we know. I can easily picture Gendo slanting the facts by threatening to make their children EVA pilots no matter what the women did.

And why are potential EVA pilots wasting time learning about fake history? Shouldn't they be knee-deep in combat training, so that they don't make colossal, expensive messes and hurt civilians once they're inside an EVA? I understand the need for secrecy, but considering mankind IS in a war to end all wars, at least a little survival training is in order. I'm not suggesting that an EVA instruction manual be in the curriculum, but if you're going to have Section Two watching them, anyway, have one of the agents pose as a gym teacher. Maybe Toji's sister could have dodged that falling debris if someone had been training her up. Yes, second grade is too early for extreme exercise, and 14 is too early for piloting a giant humanoid. If you're going to treat children like soldiers, why not start early so they can grow into it? I'm of the firm opinion that the only reason Asuka was such a lousy pilot half of the time, despite her thorough training background, is because no one ever bothered to put a muzzle on her ego. But I guess if they'll put both an unwilling and a suicidal pilot in an EVA, an ego-manic rounds out the bunch pretty well.

To be clear, I don't think anyone would or should ever inflict the EVA pilots on elementary kids for any reason. Not unless it was one that had younger siblings, like, say, Hikari or Toji. Which reminds me of another story idea I've been meaning to get busy on.


End file.
